From: Wednesday, December 21st

I Love my Job.

Ichthus Christmas Party

Latrisha, me, and David

Last Friday ( the 9th) our Ichthus group had a Christmas party at Molly and Janna's house. Here are some of the photos.

Latrisha and I

Latrisha, Danielle, and Nichole

Molly and I

Tyler

Lisa and Latrisha

Amanda

Kate and Kerri

Dogs and Dictionaries

Tyler's dog: Honey

Introducing BLOG REWIND <<

Coming soon...

Bittersweet times

[ a bouquet given to us in memory of Grandma]

In light of my Grandma's recent death, the last several days have been bitter-sweet for me. I grieve over all that we have lost, yet am glad in much. You may wonder... How can I be glad in such a time? Well, God gives me strength and I do not know how to explain it.

One thing that I am very glad about is that I was able to see some family that I don't get to see very often, such as Aunt Beth, Uncle Andre, cousin Tori, cousin Jason, cousin Micah, Uncle Jim, Aunt Marilyn, Uncle Tim, Grandpa, Uncle David, Aunt Karen, etc. I am sorry not to get pictures of everybody, but here are a couple snapshots from when Jason and Micah came to visit a few nights ago.

Jason

Micah

Christmas Decor at Grant's Grandparents house

Grant, me, and Molly

For those of you who missed out on going the Grant's Grandmother's house, you missed out on quite a bit! The day after Thanksgiving, Grant, Molly, and I went to Garnett and visited Grant's Grandparents. It was a splendid time of Christmas decorating and sharing homemade lasagna with Grant's grandpa and grandma.

The Santa Collection!

Molly and I set up the Angel Collection... it was a challenge!

Thanksgiving 2005

This Thanksgiving my family went to Ed and Peggy White's house. It was a great time. Here are some of my photos.




Holly the Ping-pong Champion

Nathan and "Dusty"

Yum! Pumpkin Pie!

Losing Grandma Fleta

In one of my recent entries, titled; "Hang Up and Sigh", I shared with you about my Grandma Fleta's condition, and my own hopes that God might bring some good out of this very difficult situation. I know that many of you have been praying, and that has been a great encouragement to me. It is now time for an update, though it is not the easiest thing for me to share with you, because the reality of it really hasn't "sunk in" for me yet. She passed away on Friday. Soon will be the obituary, and the memorial service. Soon her things will have to be gone through, and the memories we cannot avoid, will be constant. We cannot ignore who Grandma was, we cannot forget what she has left behind.

There can be some healthiness in exploring our feelings. I know that in recent years, I hadn't really felt close to my Grandma. The normal deterioration that comes with aging, plus some of the mental wear and tear that came with several small strokes over the years, made it harder for us to be close. Her forgetfulness was a factor, there were other factors too. All of which I guess made me feel resentful. It is a stereotype I have long envied; having milk and cookies with your Grandma while having a long talk. I wanted so badly to be close to my Grandma, to be able to have deep conversations with her, to be able to connect with her in a genuine way. I hated the fact that we had never had a deep conversation. It was wishful thinking that made me hope that one day she and I might have that. Even a few weeks ago, in the midst of her open heart surgery, I was still clinging to that thread of a possibility. I was sure it would bring closure and peace.

I was resentful, but now I forgive. But who, or what is it that I am forgiving? I do not blame Grandma for our lack of intimacy. Nor can I blame myself. It was my unwillingness to accept Grandma's changes, which forged this unrealistic, selfish hope. I hoped for what could never be, and did not like the frailty.

I am reminded of when I used to clean at my Aunt Ellwyn’s house and she would show me her closet. Pointing to some dresses she wore when she was younger and thinner, she would say; “I haven’t been able to fit in these for a long time, but I can’t bear to throw them away. One of these days, when I’m not so lazy, I am going to exercise and lose some weight.” And she’d also say; “When I get around to it, I will get my life back in order and I’ll fit into these clothes again.” Since she was in her mid-eighties and had major hip troubles, I really didn’t think that she would be able to carry out those goals. I kept silent and smiled, knowing that she really meant to do what she said she would do. I recognized the heart of matter… that she felt insecure about growing frail, and that she didn’t know how to accept it.

That story somehow parallels. My desperation to be close to Grandma was real, but I was hoping for something false. I prayed in all seriousness that God would grant me a familiarity between Grandma and I, such that I could let her go in death peacefully. I was sure that if it came, it would be in the form of a deep conversation between Grandma and I.

God knows about things far beyond our understanding, and God doesn’t tolerate falseness. God’s work; all of it, involves truth. I believe that when I pray about a real need, God will hear me, and bring about a real solution. But what if I am praying about a need that’s real, and I hope for the false and impossible? With God all things are possible, but nothing is false. My false hopes were fostered by feelings of insecurity with the hard reality of Grandma’s changing. My Aunt Ellwyn’s notions about jumping on a treadmill might sound silly to you or I, but her anxieties about getting older were real. Again, God does not attend to the false, but He attends to what is real.

This was clarified when the answer to my prayers did come. But not in the ways that I expected it.

A week and a half before my Grandma’s death, on a Wednesday evening, my family went to the hospital to visit Grandma in Intensive Care. As I walked with Dad to the room where she was, I knew in my mind that it would be the last time I would get to see her. It was sobering, to see her as she was. The stroke she had was massive... causing her right side to be completely paralyzed. But as I held her left hand and looked into her face, I knew that she was there. I had never seen anything like it before. One side of her face was stone still, the other side was looking at me. Tears started flooding, and I silently cried. I didn't like to see her in pain, but I held her hand and stroked it...she squeezed mine. I said to her, "I love you," and then something beautiful happened. She started to smile. It was only the one side of her face, but I could tell she knew what I was saying, and that she knew who I was.

What happened between my Grandma and I that night was very real. There were no words shared between us, she was unable to talk, let alone breath very well on her own…But the look in her eyes, and the way she squeezed my hand, spoke volumes.

I Dub Thee...

Rachel and Tim

" I dub thee, the most handsome Gentleman in the world!"

This is the result of time I spent on a graphics program today. Featuring my sister Rachel and her husband Tim. I hope you like it, Rachel!

Halloween at the Bowling Alley

October 31st:

Steven, Molly, and I

Okay... So I am not really a Halloween Celebrater, but I love costumes, and Halloween seems to be one of the only days that I can get away with playing dress-up.

This year me and some friends went bowling in costume. It was fun. Here are my photos. (By the way... Have you ever tried to go bowling in a cape? It can be challenging.)

Molly the Fairy

Molly and Betsy, dressed as "Olive Oil" and a "Fairy"

Molly and I

Evening at the Bowling Alley

Monday, October 17th

It took me a while to get these photos off of the camera, but here they are. October 17th I went bowling with Steven, Grant, John, Nick, and Danielle. So here are the pics, enjoy!

Ps. Sorry I can't show you the fun video I made there! Perhaps eventually Blogspot will be able to let bloggers post video clips on here. We will see. =)

Steven

Nick and Steven

"Lady Playing a Lute" Circa 1530

"Lady Playing a Lute" circa 1530

I just thought this painting was cool, so I am sharing it with you. The embroidery on her dress is very pretty.

Masterpiece Theatre's "Kidnapped"---It Carried me Away

Recently I watched Masterpiece Theatre's version of the story: "Kidnapped". It is based upon the novel by Robert Louis Stevenson. I was expecting something great when I saw the teasers, but this movie exceeded my expectations. It is a great adventure story. If you ever get a chance to watch this movie, I highly recommend it.

Thankyou to the ten who came

To the ten who came to my house last night; Lauren, Tyler, Santiago, Jana, Kate, David, Enoch, Latrishia, and to the two new faces:

Thank you. I appreciate you all very much. I pray for God's blessing upon all of you, and may it stretch far beyond how I was blessed yesterday evening.

Sincerely,
Emily

Hang up and Sigh

Sometimes our lives are interrupted by painful experiences and we have to sit back and reflect... then our quiet moments become interrupted with annoying phone calls...And what's worse, phone calls from a recorded voice, saying:" Hi this is John, calling to other you a free digital TV system!"

Telemarketers. They always seem to call at the wrong moments, and it is never the right moment. This is what happened moments ago, when I had just logged in on this blog to share with you a prayer request, or rather, just to relate what has been going on lately, which is kind of a prayer request too. And the phone ringing, the proverbial phone ringing, made me think that maybe someone was calling to ask us how we’re doing, or to give us updates about Grandma at the hospital.

I just hang up and sigh. Telemarketers, particularly Telemarketer Voice Recordings, do not seem to understand how rough life can be, and although they take out the time to call several times a day, they do call to hear troubles or offer words of encouragement. They just keep talking, and… offer great deals on... Satellite Television.

Grandma at the Hospital:

So here is what has been going on. My Grandma Fleta had serious heart surgery on Friday. Part of the risk of the surgery is that she had to go off important medications, leaving her at high risk for seizures and stroke. Knowing full well that she might die soon, I called my Grandma a couple of days before the operation to “Tell her goodbye” just in case something should happen. I told my Grandma that I love her very much.

Since Friday, it seems that she has had both seizures and stroke. Today I understand that doctors are going to do a scan on her brain to try and access just how bad the damage is, but since Saturday’s apparent stroke, she is depending on a machine to breath for her, and she does not seem to be aware of what’s going on , … when her eyes are open, they show no recognition. So I do not know what will happen, but I am fairly certain that she will not be with us much longer.

Is this a prayer request? I don’t know. A person can’t live forever, and in a lot of ways I think that it will be easier once she is gone. I would rather that she die peacefully than live miserably, … let’s put it this way; even if she should live a while longer and recover somewhat from the stroke, she will probably not be able to feed herself…That would be rough.

So what am I asking prayer for? Pray that God will be glorified in everything, and that HIS will be done. And that with Grandma's coming death, as hard as it will be in a lot of ways, that we might grow closer as a family, and that relationships might somehow be in a better place than they were before. I say “Pray for God’s will” ultimately, realizing that maybe God doesn’t want everything fixed immediately, and that HE knows what is best. May there be reconciliation of some kind, in GOD’S timing. In everything that happens, may GOD be glorified. AMEN.

"Can I Live?"

I just saw this great music video online, called; " Can I Live?" by Nick Cannon. It is a powerful song speaking out against abortion, and also the singer thanks his own mother for the decision she made in 1979 to keep her son (himself).

"The Prodigal One" lyrics

By: Emily Robinson
It’s good to see that you’re alive; for I was so scared that you had died.
And as you fell far from my view, I was looking hard for you.
But when I never heard from you, I was reminded that it’s not my power to rescue the fallen.
So I gave up all hope. I left you for dead.
You were soiled, tarnished, weary, a mess.
I could not have helped you in such a state, for I am so weak myself.
Should I grab onto your hand, I would have only let you down.
Only the pure may have such ability.
There in only One pure who can change your reality.
Christ is the one who bore the cross, wore a crown, and saved the lost.
And just when you fell to the ground; drenched in shame, confessing your sins, Christ picked you up.
He dusted you off. He brought you a robe, He carried you home.

"Becoming Conversant with the Emerging Church"

So... right now I am reading this book by D.A. Carson. Any thoughts? Would you say that you are Modern or Postmodern, or do you know what that means? I want your input.

A Poem

My friend Rebekah wrote this poem recently, I am posting it here. It is written about a mutual friend of ours who is going through a difficult time. Please pray for God's will in this person's life. Pray for healing.

My Friend

Written By: Rebekah F.

Oh my friend, listen to me

Life gets better, wait and see;

Oh my friend, Please don't go

It would hurt me, more than you know;

Oh my friend, what do you fear?

Why can't you see that I am here;

Oh my friend, it kills me inside

To see you run, to see you hide;

Oh my friend, you're in the rain

But Jesus can take away your pain;

Oh my friend, these things are true-

You're NOT alone and I love you;

Oh my friend, swept in the tide

It's for you that Jesus died;

Oh my friend, at the end of your rope

Don't let go- there's ALWAYS hope.

Everlasting Salvation for Zion

Isaiah 51:6 "Lift up your eyes to the heavens, look at the earth beneath; the heavens will vanish like smoke, the earth will wear out like a garment and the inhabitants die like flies. But my salvation will last forever, my righteousness will never fail."

All I can say is... AMEN.

Out of the Bat Cave!

Tuesday night I got to see Kyle's Batmobile! I wasn't able to be there to help, but since October 1st, Kyle has been (with the help of friends) gradually turning his old beat up car into the flippin' Batmobile! It is not exactly like the ones you see in the movie, but it is still an amazing contrast to what that car used to be like!

Anyway, I took lots of pictures, and so... check them out:

Kyle Posing with his Batmobile!

I asked Kyle; " Kyle... any chance you have a Batman mask you could pose with?"

Kyle's response: " Well actually... I think I do somewhere with my old toys at mom's house..."

The Batmobile ( front view)

The Batmobile (sideview)

Last Sunday Afternoon

Sunday Afternoon

at Prairie Park Nature Trail

Sunday was Dad's birthday, so we on an outing. I took lots of pictures, the weather and scenery were beautiful.

more Prairie Park pictures

Here are some more photos from Sunday. I will try to leave little descriptions under most of them.

I poked my camera into the woods for a bit. I just can't resist how awesome and beautiful God's creations are.
Berries... I don't know what kind are. Probably not edible.

My favorite picture of Mom and Dad.
Holly and the earthworm we saw on the sidewalk. (That worm was huge!) Don't worry, she is only pretending to pet it.

Holly exhausting herself, trying to keep up.

My shadow. I don't know if this is that great a photo, but come on, how many people take a picture of their shadow! =)